First Posted: 22 March 1997
"Oh," i say to Susan, snuggling closer to her warmth. "John said to say 'hi'."
Susan finishes the sentence she's reading, carefully marks her place with her thumb, then closes the cover on the book. "Dialectic Excercises in Classroom Sythesism." Ah. Light reading... "Hmm, oh, that's nice. Seen him? How's Johnny doing, anyway?" She asks, turning towards me.
"Saw him today. Had coffee. I was just thinking it must be nice to have his job and be able to take time off like that all the time."
"Now, now. I don't think that's quite fair. He's worked like a dog all the time we've known him. He's really slaved to build his business up."
"Aw, build, eh, build, eh, and him an engineer. A funny one, there, know what i mean, know what i mean," i kid, lightly jostling Susan in the ribs (oops, that's not a rib...hmm, take it anyway, though) with my elbow while doing my best Monty Python imitation.
"Gawd..." Susan moans, "I can't take you anywhere, can i?" She rolls her eyes in mock despair, but's smiling.
"Yeah, well. Anyway, John seems to be doing pretty well. And, yeah, i know he works hard at his business. All i meant was that he doesn't have to put up with all the shit cops have to. Sometimes...!" I trail off, my body tensing up thinking about the blood on 37th and Hillcrest, about Donnovan, about the gangs, the dope, the...
"Hey, hey, hey," Susan murmmer softly, sliding against me, holding me. "S'okay. That's out there, hmm. Leave it that way and just hold onto me instead, ok, hero."
Always good to follow your wife's advice. That was pretty much my wedding vow to her. Not to bring my work home. And i've tried. God help me, i've tried. But sometimes... The clean scent of her washes it all away. Warm and soft in my arms.
"Sorry, hon. Actually, it's funny. I was telling John just the opposite today. I was telling him how good my job can make me feel sometimes. Man, am i glad i was in on the Bennet bust."
It's Susan's turn to tense up some.
"That man sickens me!" she mutters. "To abuse his position as an educator... To prey on the children like that. Whatever the courts give him won't possibly be enough!"
"Shhh, yeah, i know. But, damn! It was good to nail the bastard. It's why i do what i do. I never became a cop to deal with committee meetings."
We just hold onto each other for a few minutes. Susan's breasts pressing against my chest. Thinking.
"Actually, John had a, ah, similar reaction as you."
"Hmm? How?"
"I told him what i told you. About Bennet. He hadn't heard. Said he'd just gotten back into town from a trip up the coast, checking out the highway his firm's working on. So i told him about the case. He just got...colder. Distant. He, uhm, changed."
"Sorry?" asks Susan. "What'd ya mean? Grew horns or something?"
"Ah, no, not horns. No. But, well, you know Johnny. Pretty much always smiling. That was the first thing to go. And his eyes. They just sort of, i don't know. It was like a shadow suddenly fell, just over his eyes." I shudder a little at the memory. "Spooky, you know. Like he wasn't really there at all. I mean, he was listening to me, but it's like he was seeing something else."
Yeah, like me a few minutes ago i realize. Thinking about the blood on 37th and Hillcrest. A bunch of tourists in the wrong place and too dumb, no, too innocent, to know better. But i'm not telling Susan that.
"I mean," i continue, "You know John's actually a pretty tough guy. He spent time in Bosnia as a consultant to the UN forces. Some of the stories he's told me... Well, anyway, i know he's an engineer, but sometimes he reminds me of my first Sergeant. Man named Leary. He'd been a Korean vet. Sometimes he'd just look at you, and you knew he was seeing something else. Toughest cop i ever met. Worked the homicide desk. You know, in all the years i worked with him, i never knew him to not go to the funeral of whatever case crossed his desk. Even the John Does. He cried at every one. Like the problems of the world were all his to take up, to carry. A good man."
Yeah. Good cop, good man. Old Benjammin Leary. Died five years back. Heart attack. Hell...
"Anyway, that look of John's, just sort of reminded me of the same kind of look Ben got sometimes."
Susan and i just cuddle for a few minutes in silence.
"Hmm. Well, we should have Johnny over. I haven't seen him in ages. You men get to do coffee. We women have to do real work."
"Ha!" oops! Gets me a jab in the ribs. I throw an arm around Susan, trying to pin her down. She responds by tickling me mercilessly. Then one of her hands drops a bit lower. Mmm...hello. "Ah, actually, John mentioned he's seeing a girl. Named Tracey."
That get's Susan's attention. She sits up but she doesn't move her hand away.
"Really!" she exclaims, interested. "Hmmm...Now i just know we have to have them over. I've got to meet her. I'll phone him tomorrow."
"But for right now..." she trails off, sliding down into my arms.
God. I love my wife.